Saw this in another blog, an experiment of sorts to help expand your mind, your thinking. The idea is to create a question, take time to ensure it’s a valuable question, one in which you can make sense of the meaning and hope it helps you dig deeper into you. Once you’ve created the question, answer quickly, document the first thoughts that come to mind and explore that answer. Then carefully create the next question from the given answer, dive deeper into how something might have affected you then, now. Dive deeper into why you felt the way you felt or feel. Ask yourself the how’s, when’s and be reserved to not get carried away with any negative endless why’s so that you may focus on the mental strength building, the true discovery of self, of action of who you can be. Sometimes we can be so bent up on why something happened rather than looking for how it happened and how it can become a better situation or remembering when we learned from it or what the lesson entailed.

I hope these questions will help you form yours, these answers help you understand you are not alone and we all have some sort of story to share. I hope that if you try this you end it with everything you were looking for and were hoping it to be for yourself. I hope it sparks creativity, growth, strength, and a necessary vulnerability to look deeper into yourself.

My Real Time Self-Discovery Experiment

What do I believe my biggest influence for motherhood?
I had to start with a hard one? OMG. I’m 11 months into being a first time girl mom. Subconsciously I find myself responding in ways my parents would when I was younger, how my aunts and uncles and other family would interact with me. In my most conscious, not that I’m not always conscious, just sometimes we are in auto-pilot. Postpartum is a struggle and battle to each their own, on top of still having to be a mother, figure out how to be a mother and continue to be a present partner…not to mention if I had even thought I could bare children, I thought the universe would give me a boy first. I’ve been so blessed with a daughter and the opportunity to shape a better relationship than I had with my mother throughout the most transitional part of my life. Woah, than unlocked a door haha. Anyway, in my most conscious, I’d say the knowledge I’ve gained on attachment parenting, gentle parenting, The Montessori Method and my own life experience, I’d definitely say my influence is based on the end goal of just raising an aware, curious, adventurous, kind and loving child. Whatever lessons I’ve learned, experienced I’ve encountered, whatever influences I’ve had to shape who I am and the observations of those around me, all of that knowledge is my biggest influence for motherhood.

OoOoO, I like this experiment already!

Why did my mind grasp so tightly to the idea of not being able to conceive? How was this tied into my childhood?
I was only 6 weeks when they operated on my ovaries. I was told so young. Told that there was a high possibility I wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally, but it’s possible I could. Then I got pregnant, natural as can be. No complications during pregnancy that would be caused by my operation. I was never conscious of playing the victim. I was, by definition, a victim to some experiences. I’m stating this because I got ideas in my head, I blew things out of proportion whether it was because it was a trauma or to seek attention. I brought it up in relationships, any relevant conversation like it was a pity party I knew I didn’t need but hey, I have something to say that’s unique. You say it enough it becomes a part of you. Maybe that’s why I’ve become so detached from myself, I’ve hung on to so many of the negative ideas for whatever reasons I’ve thought up and I had been drowning in my white lies. I hate lying, I had become rather good at it, while I lived a phase of drug abuse, actual abuse and auto-pilot. I’ve built up all the guilt and carried it on my mind and my physical body for so long. I guess you can say since I’ve come to I’ve lived uneasy carrying that guilt and knowledge of my previous self. That guilt detached me, understanding that I can’t take back my actions, things I’ve said, the way I’ve lived, the people I’ve hurt. It’s awful knowing that there is always possibility of positive outcomes while being trapped in your own mind, unconsciously focusing on the negative outcomes. I had turned dark, lacking hope.

A simple, easy one that’s super necessary for myself in this point of life right now.

What’s the biggest difference now? The difference that changed my perspective and has me so motivated to understand myself and change?

Baby is calling and I’ve about thought and typed all I can for the evening, but I’ve much enjoyed this and I’ll be back. Feel free to comment anything, ask any questions and share any stories. My inbox is always open and I think it’s truly healing for all of us to share stories with each other. This way we can help encourage, understand and grow together. Stay tuned for round 2 of real time self-discovery with me.